Goodbye for a bit.

I have never been so lost.
I'm not sure of anything.
School.
Career.
Money.
Love.

I trust no one.
I hate my "friends".
I hate my parents.
I hate me.
I have a huge "fuck you!" attitude right now that I don't like.
I just have too much hate in me right now.

I feel abandoned. I have seriously never felt so alone in my life.

And I'm tired of crying.

So, with that said, no blogging for a bit.

Peace.

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breathe
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe.

When did your heart go missing?

I miss you.

I don't know why I'm being forced to stay in this worthless town. Seriously. I've been in my room since 4 P.M. watching t.v. online, and I got up to get some water 10 minutes ago and found my whole family gone. I have no clue where they went, and I don't care. It gave me privacy to go outside and smoke. :) I'm a horrible son. Ooooh well.

I finally made some money at work today. 54 bucks in 4 hours. Not bad if I say so myself. We've been so slow at the restaurant. Thank God I'm only here for another 47 (yes, I started counting) more days. That restaurant is going downhill FAST.

My college classes really suck. Way too much reading and writing for my taste. I didn't realize this at registration, but the two classes I'm taking (American Lit. & U.S. History) are writing intensive. FML. Oh, well, I had to take them sometime, and it's probably best that I'm taking them at a Ju.Co. Easier and cheaper.

I miss acting. I need friends in this town that would find an evening of beer and reading a play fun. BOO. I suppose I could read a play alone, but reading a play alone and silently is no fun at all.

Speaking of acting, I've started to question my talent lately. Dunno why. And I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I wish I could just perform and make a living. A year ago I thought that I had the potential to do it for a living. Now ... a different story.

I've eliminated junk food from my diet, and (so far) I have been successful. Ask me again in 2 days...

I'm listening to MGMT radio and "Breathe" by The Bravery just came on.
How ... suiting?

I haven't had a beer (or any alcoholic beverage) since I left San Marcos. I have no friends here to drink with. And if I drink alone, I feel like an alcoholic. Ha.

I found out what shows we're doing next year. Maybe I'll try to find the scripts online.

Starting ...
Now.

You know you love me,
XOXO
Corey

Hahahahahaha.
(Bonus points for anyone that understands the last statement).

I could use another cigarette.

I really love Sarah Bareilles. Normally, if I like 4 or 5 songs on a C.D., I'll buy it. I love every single song on her album Little Voices, though. Yay! Check her out if you haven't.

I realized that my address to this blog (sleeplessnights12) sounds like a sleazy porn site. :( I'll be changing that shortly.

My online American Literature course started today. I was supposed to read 12 pages and answer a quiz, but I don't have the book. Oops! Oh, well! My professor said that as long as I had completed the whole week's assignments by Sunday, I would be fine.

I have GOT to start going to bed earlier. I eat at 6. Then I eat again at 2 A.M. I can't help it, though! 8 hours is a LONG time to go without eating. :) But I just ate half of a bag of corn chips. How will I ever lose weight? Geez. Goal for the week: Be in bed by midnight with no computer or t.v.

I recently discovered google maps on my blackberry. I downloaded a package at m.google.com. You all should do the same. Hehe. It includes gmail on your phone. Also, it has some neat gps technology. You can see where your friends are (google maps). So cool! (And weird at the same time...)

God, I just sounded like a total nerd. Is it sad that I surf for free blackberry apps, because I'm bored? Ha.

I failed to hit the gym today. I think I'm just going to go every other day for now, though. Going every day is probably what I should do, but if I do that, I get burned out and just stop going. (Not good).

Oh, my. I'm starting to fall asleep.

Eyes ... are ... shutting ...
Good ... nite ...

Just like heaven

I just signed on to write, and I saw that I had 2 followers. Joy. ;)

I love my late nights of just me, junk food, and Gossip Girl. I have seen every episode, but they never get old. (Can't wait for Season 3). :)

I feel like I'm becoming O.C.D. (or something). My house stays spotless. Anytime I see a mess, I clean it up. I don't know why. I guess it's because seeing my surroundings clean and tidy makes me happy. It's the one thing (that makes me happy) that I can control. Wow. That sounded really sad and angsty, but don't all of these blogs?

I'm not sure I like that word ... blog ... eh.

I bought a new candle yesterday that smells like apple pie. It makes me smile. :)

After one week of work, I have 120 dollars. Not too bad for only working 16 hours (not to mention my paycheck that I get Wednesday). Ah. I've missed waiting tables. It's fun and a great way to make some money fast. I find it to be a great character study as well. There are some weird fucking people in this town...

I just realized that I've only been away from my home for a week. *sigh*. 1 week down, 8 more to go.

I cleaned out my closet today. I realized that I had WAY TOO MANY SHIRTS in there, half of which I never wear, so I shuffled through all of them. I also realized that half of those shirts failed to stretch around this gut that I'm currently sporting. So after taking 30 some-odd shirts out of my closet, I decided to hit the gym. I didn't lift, but I DID manage to do 35 minutes of cardio. That elliptical kicked my ass, but I was proud ... 4 hours later I ate a piece of German chocolate cake. Oops. fml.


This blog is too long. Tomorrow's my day off. Yay. I have all day to clean. or blog. Blogging (along with cleaning) makes me happy. Don't be surprised if I get a little blog crazy with all this free time. Hmm... maybe I should start writing a play instead of blogging. Perhaps it will make me famous. It works for some ... nah. :)

Peace.

... that word (blog) just really bothers me ...

Ave. Rage.

Is it sad when the only thing I look forward to every day is sleep?

The thing that's even more sad? I have trouble sleeping every single night.

This town has nothing to offer me. at. all. And I will never spend an entire summer here again. Why should I? It's a total waste of time. Sure, I'm getting to spend some time with the family, but 2 months? A little too much fam time for me. And sure, I'm getting to work and save money (without having to worry about paying for food or rent) but the money is NOT that good.

Being all alone makes me think a lot. I desperately need to find a new hobby. Any suggestions?

Since I have 0 friends in this town, I've been bored a lot, and when I'm bored I eat (A LOT). Which does absolutely nothing for my body. Speaking of which, I've had low self esteem (or is it confidence? or both?) lately. I need to do something to change that as well. Again, any suggestions?

Eh. It's late. I have to wake up for work in 9 hours, and it will take me at least an hour to fall asleep (after tossing and turning multiple times.)

Nite.

I close my eyes, and I smile knowing that everything is all right.

A good friend of mine started one of these, and I thought, "Why not?" It will help cure my boredom.

I'm home for the summer. I left my home and my life in San Marky on Sunday, and it sucks to say the least. I miss my real home, my town, my school, my friends, my dog, Scrabble, and late nights of Will&Grace and Sex and the City. I miss you.

On a more positive note, I start work tomorrow at 5 P.M. That should help ... I guess. At least I'll have some cash-flow. I despise money, but it's good to have.

I've never been much of a blogger, so don't expect these entries to be very long. It's late. 817 games of solitaire and 116 songs on Jason Mraz Radio (Thank you, Pandora) later, I'm finally sleepy. The sad thing is it's 2 A.M. Is that normal? To not get tired until 2 A.M.? (and sometimes 3 or 4.) I've been having trouble sleeping. Perhaps some Tylenol P.M. would help my little problem... Blah.

Again, it's late.

I'll write more later. Which probably means tomorrow, because I'll be bored out of my mind. :)